Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, may I present my neurosis and worry/nowhere to go but my mind’s in such a hurry/mentally drained and my vision is blurry/I walk down the aisle and I feel the eyes, silicone smiles, cellulite lies.

MAGNUM OPUS DON’T LOSE FOCUS

I feel like a lame duck but I still got claws/nothing I do is without cause/the room is spinning and I’d like to hit pause but there’s no remote just arbitrary laws/improve on my flaws I overachieve to get ahead and fed but get punished and reprimanded behind the woodshed/knock one 75 yards through the goalpost then you tell me you wanted soccer goals instead. Change the rules when I get ahead/gaslight telling me I’m crazy and it’s all in my head/ (silicone smiles, cellulite lies).

You’re not strong enough or smart enough to kill me unassisted so you try to get my own mind to do your dirty work, TWISTED, chocolate or vanilla my mind is a killa and I wish it wasn’t out to end me no way to mend me, try to break or bend me I’m dying but you’ll never offend me.
The intersection of youth and candor is my cross to bear/break my back doing everybody’s share/most people are unaware or at least apathetic/pff at least I care/ maintain emotional intelligence, never give into negligence/never fade to irrelevance you can put a glock to my temple but I’ll just smile in defiant irreverence.

Talking to myself at full volume as I walk/yeah I’m starting to crack so enjoy the show/pull up a chair get your popcorn ready to go my fuse is lit and ready to blow/all eyes on me, Machiavellian politics in everything I see/maybe I’ll throw a chair through the wall to entertain you all or slice both wrists and spatter paint the ceilings of the hall/ I can use my pain to entertain/ mock my name/ break the mundane and the boring and plain, stagnating forever in this putrid acid rain, dying to die but nothing will stop my brain and I can’t wake up, this limbo’s hard to explain.

It seems everywhere I look someone’s getting applauded for subpar work, at least compared to mine/the unworthy advance and I’m left behind/as if I missed the rapture but I’m marooned on an island/exiled and on trial for crimes I didn’t commit/tense up as the gavel falls and I take the HIT.

I’m floating in suspended animation, paralyzed in confusing levitation, the sand keeps pouring in, the air is getting thin, and the madness starts to win.

Lack propensity to heal, the intensity is real, try to compartmentalize and not feel, can’t contain my zeal cuz I got no chill.

Get devastatingly strong but stay meek, be resilient not weak so I turn the other cheek but see I only got two so spit in my face once more time and let’s just see what I do, see how it ends for me and you (did you just quote John Reuben?).

Live life embarrassed, head between my knees sitting down on this terrace/it might be weeks or years but it feels like eons/fiber optic and neon it all glows but my life blows, like the wind, invisible and festering like my sin.

I don’t have the burden of having to rap about problems with my rap career cuz I’ve barely got one/But I still see my dreams shatter, falling off of the corporate ladder/overhearing gossip and chatter about me but when I turn around those voices scatter or stupider yet they flatter telling me how much I matter/but that just makes me madder because they would probably applaud and clamor for the sound of the clatter from the pieces of my cranium’s shatter.

Purgatory isn’t canon, there’s no post mortem process to wipe away sin and blame but I physically see the wall of flames/ no matter what’s true, I gotta walk through and erase the false narrative that fate drew.

Such much clattering clamoring gimme some Dramamine and other downers to numb my ears to these doubters/soon I’ll respond but for now I gotta rest, reflect, and improve in all respects.

I feel tranquility in this place
I see his face and IT ALL COMES BACK, wanna break it and IT ALL COMES BACK, see pictures of that place and IT ALL COMES BACK, trauma that will never be erased IT ALL COMES BACK
IT ALL COMES BACK to me.